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Sassy Sienna Sista What's up ladies? … Thank goodness you came (and if you did cum don't thank goodness thank the girl you were with... tee -hee) because I'm gonna talk about the one thing we could all do without...Yup that's right those awkward interactions with our ex's. You know what I'm talking about it never fails; just when you manage to dust yourself off, get a new hair cut, buy some new clothes and unload all that heavy break up baggage, who calls you on some random Wednesday afternoon?...You know exactly what I'm talking about; its your dreaded Ex - girlfriend She starts chewing your ear off about how she misses you and the good "old times" you shared. (Make no mistake lezzies, this means she is thinking about how good you were in bed.) Just as your blood pressure begins to rise and your heart starts to palpitate one of the most obnoxious questions emerges from her mouth. "So what are you up to now?" I hate this question because the answers you get when you throw the question back at her are NEVER what you expect. For example, if your ex was a drunk when you were a couple; she is now the poster woman for an AA sponsor. If your ex was always broke and couldn't hold down a job; she now has 4 jobs and makes more money than you. If your ex hated kids and gagged at the idea of marriage; she is now married with 2 kids with another one on the way. Needless to say, this is extremely annoying. It's ridiculous how they try and weasel back into our lives and ask us to be "just friends". Let's get one thing straight, (but not too straight) once you have sex with a girl the friendship aspect of your relationship fades faster than the last ecstasy fueled moan from the last orgasm you two shared. Please be warned ladies, these ex's have an infinite number of tricks all stored up just to Fuck your head up!! Luckily for you, I am about to let you in on the # 1 ploy that is specifically designed by your ex to drive you crazy. Be on the look out ladies cause this is how it starts: First, you'll get a phone call from a private number. Then you answer the call, only to be hoodwinked by the sweetest but mischievous voice of your ex and she sounds so happy that her world that doesn't include you. You never hear the depressed, unhappy, slightly bitchy woman you vividly remember. At this point, you are caught completely off guard and should probably end the conversation. But (and you know I like butts…preferably the tight beach volleyball player ones!) at the very moment you try to end the call she pulls out the heavy artillery. "I miss you…we should meet up and get something to eat" If you hear these words, please take my advice and end the phone call immediately…Because if you don't…you're FUCKED!!! (And not the way you like to be!) When you see her she will be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Sort of like a Mia Hamm, Kelis, and Gwen Stefani mix with a carefree personality. (If you add a touch of Teresa Weatherspoon that's my idea of the perfect woman!!!) These planned meetings never go how you want them to go so just remember who told ya … Your ex is your ex for a reason and going backwards will only hinder you from going forward. -Your sista in the struggle who loves to snuggle- The Sassy Sienna Sista past columns: STRAIGHT GIRLS ARE STRAIGHT!!! |