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Sassy Sienna Sista Come one or cum altogether lezzies, because you have embarked on a rainbow journey that will no doubt shock, amaze and titillate your mind. You are now reading the first installment of my monthly column specially (and may I say, deliciously) prepared for all you lovely ladies pursuing the Henrietta Hudson website. You will be enlightened with a variety of pertinent topics that especially affect our lesbian community. Hey, you might even learn something or at least get some food for thought. Trust me ladies, I will tell it like it is and talk about the things you only think about in your most explicit of lesbo-erotic dreams. Without further ado, lets stop all this pussy- footing (you know I had to work that in some how... tee-hee) and get this lyrical party crunk. First and foremost, I must tell you that I am compelled by the forces of divine lesbian nature to let all you women out there know the #1 lesbian dating rule… No matter how cute (or drunk) straight girls are they DO NOT and WILL NOT make fulfilling long-term girlfriends/ wives. As some of your eyebrows rise and fall in utter confusion or opposition, I will shatter this misconception with a simple 4-word explanation…are you ready? Here it comes…. STRAIGHT GIRLS ARE STRAIGHT!!! Your eyes have not deceived your mind…its true ladies, straight girls are not lesbians. I know... I know it's hard to believe because they come into lesbian bars just like Henrietta Hudson and get sloppy (but oh-so deliciously) drunk and uninhibited. It almost seems like they've been sent to us as a present from the goddess for all our daily good deeds, but, ladies, they're not a gift nor should they be unwrapped. Now don't get me wrong, I know there are some women who are born into these utopian lesbian existences where they could meet the straightest, dick-loving woman one night and have them shaving their heads, buying flannel and marching in the next Dyke March that very next day. (If this is your story, then more power to ya and keep up the good work… your toaster is in the mail.) However for the rest of us living in this Sapphic reality, I am here to let you know…. It ain't gonna happen. But by all means, have fun when they venture into our party spaces. Dance and grind your little hearts out to every song the D.J. spins. (Henrietta Hudson has the most musically elite D.J.'s that spin the hottest tracks precisely for this.) Drink until the world seems to spin to your every whim, but (and here is the biggest Sir-mix-a lot but you will every encounter)… ladies… do not catch feelings for these women. Trust me, I have seen some of the flyest lesbians lose their heads over some straight girl who wanted to "experiment," but listen to your chagrin: They will no doubt go back to chasing that white picket fence, 2.5 children, Aero star mini-van and Columbia alum husband. (If any straight girls are reading this and are borderline offended, let me say right now, "Calm down!" Your beloved author is not a hetero- hater, and [here comes my equal-opportunity sexuality disclaimer] my best friend is straight, so I have love for ya!) But I know this ill-fated love story all to well. Just take my advice and leave well enough alone. You know what, let me say this again for all my hard-headed sisters out there, leave them girls at the club in those sexy heels, with that fruit-scented hair, freshly manicured nails and sexually curious disregard for your personal space. Have fun when you meet them that night, but be wary. So now you've been warned… and the rest is up to you. Use your head and not the one that has 10,000 nerve endings. Sorry lovelies, my space is nearing its end, and I have to leave you all to your own womanly devices. Hey, you might even find yourself dancing at Henrietta Hudson one night and realize the woman you're lustin' after is seductively close to you and shakin' her thing real hard to the Pussy Cat Dolls' "Don't Cha." I recommend you stop… think... and remember who told you the #1 lesbian dating rule. -Your woman in the struggle who loves to snuggle- The Sassy Sienna Sista |